Mannequins

What if, most of who I am today, is a loosely bound package of manufactured selves? Crafted over the years to hide my pain and wipe away my tears. This glued-together self has gotten me stuck in a self-destructive cycle. To the point that the image I convey is a mannequin with lungs. The capacity to breathe...but not to live. Fixated on building the plastic image in the window, I only exist for the gaze of the shopper passing by. See me. Buy me. Value me.

Today, I face the mannequin in the window. As I press my face against the window, I fall through into the arms of myself...my mannequin. It tumbles to the ground and falls to pieces. I am surrounded by plastic arms, legs, torso, head, and clothes. Is this really me?? All that I've been working on comes down to this...scattered, plastic limbs and high-dollar clothes. Is this all that my grasping/living has come to??

Do I pick up the limbs and start all over again? Brush off the clothes and dress up the plastic image? Prop it up in front of the window. Makes me weary just thinking about it. Pieced together...posing forever. The window beckons me...come, pose, be seen, be valued. The shoppers need you. You need you.

Broken, shattered, laying on the floor...in need of restoration. I call out to You. God, deliver me from myself. Take the mannequin I've manufactured and burn it up, destroy it. Pull me from the prostituting window of posing and press me deeply into the wonder of Your love and acceptance.

Being present in the present

A word from a present-day sage, Brennan Manning...
"The music of what is happening can be heard only in the present moment, right now, right here. Now/here spells nowhere. To be fully present to whoever or whatever is immediately before us is to pitch a tent in the wilderness of Nowhere. It is an act of radical trust--trust that God can be encountered at no other time and in no other place than the present moment. Being fully present in the now is perhaps the premier skill of the spiritual life.
More often than not, I do not hear the music of what is happening now because my mind ricochets between the past and the future."
(quoted from Ruthless Trust)

To be fully alive is to be fully present in the present. Amazing, how much i focus on the past and have anxiety toward the future. In doing so, I miss out on the moments before me. I miss out on opportunities to receive compassion and extend compassion. Manning says that the primary fruit of living in the present is compassion. Wow, what a strong word. Present-tense living gives me the perspective to extend compassion to myself and then to others.

So, today I face a choice. Past-tense. Future-tense. Present-tense. What tense will my life speak in today?

Marriage: a safe harbor??

Follow the quote below...

"We must never be naive enough to think of marriage as a safe harbor from the Fall...The deepest struggles of life will occur in the most primary relationship affected by the Fall: marriage."
--Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III

So, there is a battle taking place today for the heart of our marriages. There is someone who does not want your family and marriage to make it. Satan, the enemy who masquerades as an angel of light, is deceptively working to take us out. He does not care about us or our families...He wants what we have...we are image-bearers.

Reflecting the image of God in our marriages is one of the greatest ways to bring God glory. So, what exactly does it mean to reflect the image of God in a marriage?? something to think on...

Bowling Adventure

Recently, Chris Roe and I took Caleb and Brennan on their first Bowling Adventure. It was quite an amazing time of Male Bonding. Wild At Heart can actually happen at the bowling alley...

Conversation Recap...

Last night we had another good "Conversations" evening with couples. It was a relaxing time to share and open up about marriage stuff (plus Melody made some incredible pumpkin pie!! with cool whip!!). We tackled the subject of "perseverance in marriage". What does it mean to persevere through challenging times, instead of retreating. What does biblical perseverance look like??

For those unable to attend, I wanted to post a basic framework for what we discussed...to give you an opportunity to have a "conversation" with your wife/husband/significant other...

A few quotes...--A character in Anne Tyler's novel A Patchwork Planet.-- This book's thirty year old narrator has gone through a divorce and now works at an occupation that has him relating almost exclusively with elderly people. As he observes their long-standing marriages, he comes to a profound understanding:
"I was beginning to suspect that it made no difference whether they'd married the right person. Finally, you're just with who you're with. You've signed on with her, put in half a century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better, and she's become the right person. Or the only person, might be to the point. I wish someone had told me that earlier. I'd have hung on then; I swear I would. I never would have driven Natalie to leave me."

"Marriage is a long conversation."
--German philosopher Friedrich Nietzche

"May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance."
2 Thessalonians 3:5
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A few questions to ponder...
*As you look forward...2-3 years, what would you like your marriage to look like?
*What are you currently being challenged to persevere through?
*What typically keeps you from persevering?
*If you were to persevere through your "present-tense circumstance", how would that move you toward the marriage that you really want?

Shepherding the Shepherds

I just have to testify today to the amazing ways that God is using our Ministry Board to minister to me and my family. Chris, Jennifer, Melody, and I spend our time pouring into others with the desire to set hearts free. Some days are filled with lots of celebration about a soul set free...other days are quite draining, walking people through their present darkness. We do feel our calling and Encounter's calling is to shepherd people through that process.

To be honest, though, there are times that I feel alone and fatigued...i'm sure mel, jen, and chris would agree. There are weeks that I feel overwhelmed with the needs of people and the needs of our ministry. There are weeks that the financial weight gets real heavy. Ministry fatigue begins to set in. We need others to shepherd and care for us. I am learning to be more vulnerable in this area and to share needs...it is not easy for me. Every shepherd needs a shepherd.

And then our Board steps in...the last 2-3 weeks, I have been humbled by their caring for us...
*personal giving to the ministry...of prayers, time, and finances.
*one couple dropping by to just say "we love you".
*an email to say "how can i pray for you"
*a "handyman" brother's willingness to help fix the alternator in our van
*a call to say "how can i help and what's next for the ministry"
*someone dropping by to just say "we love and support you guys"
*one family's ongoing prayers and support of the work and openness to be invested in what we are doing (even through a wild job transition)
*one guy's way of saying "if you ever need anything, you know you can call me..."
*one Board member's ongoing prayers and love from a distance and maintaining connection with us

This is what it looks like to shepherd the shepherds...

Halloween Pics...Caleb and Brennan