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James 5 from the Message...

^10-11Take the old prophets as your mentors. They put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit, all the time honoring God. What a gift life is to those who stay the course! You've heard, of course, of Job's staying power, and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That's because God cares, cares right down to the last detail.

17 and counting...

Writing from Zephyrhills, Florida this week...home to Bishop Carl Hemphill and his bride Shelbie...aka Mom and Dad.   I guess my dad would be considered the "original" Bishop and pastor in the family.  We pulled away for a few days to be refreshed and renewed.  The last5 months have been pretty intense months of fundraising, ministry, and battling for hearts.  

Ministry is an interesting thing.  Been thinking on that this week as Melody and i enter our 17th year of ministry.  Yes, we are only 34 years old...and started in our first church when we were 18. First Baptist of Siler City, NC was our first ministry experience.  And it has been quite a ride since those early years.  Outside of 2 years working at a factory in Pelham, AL during my post-grad years, we have ministered in 4 church settings, 2 church plants, and now a ministry called Encounter.  In many ways, i feel more at home now and more "in my own skin" than ever before. A lot has been learned over the years.  And there is a lot more to learn.

I'd like to share some reflections i'm having this week.  Before i do, there is one thing that i've dealt with over the years...from being raised in a pastor's home to being in it myself.  There is this belief that "ministers don't work"...they just live the life of leisure.  Wow, how i wish that were true.  I heard it multiple times growing up from parishioners and deacons and church leaders.  And over the past 17 years, I've heard it in mostly subtle ways from people.  Even taking the chance to blog while vacationing runs the risk of someone thinking "what an easy life". I wish I could fully convey the weight and grind of shepherding people.  It is a beautifully, frustrating thing to walk with people through the seasons of life while trying to point them toward greener pastures.  The week to week "shouldering" of other's burdens and heartache can take a toll on someone's heart.  That is why so many ministers feel lonely and isolated while being pulled into addictions and depression.  Any time I hear of a minister "falling", I am immediately drawn to that person's heart because i know of their hurt and loneliness.  All of that to say, I have spent so many days in ministry worried about what people think.  I still struggle with that.  But I'm trying to walk in more honesty and freedom.

Learning...

*to be myself.  So many years were spent in trying to be what everyone in church wanted me to be.  All the while, my own heart was dying in an attempt to please everyone.  it is a goal that is never accomplished...keeping everyone happy.  I still have much to learn in this area.  But I can honestly say that I'm learning to walk in my own skin.  The poser is slowly being dismantled and embraced.  Only to have the true Randy come forth.

*to be patient.  Walking with people through transitions and heartache in life has produced more longsuffering in me.  Yes, there are days that I get frustrated at myself and others..why can't we get it?  But, the overwhelming growth has been in the area of patience.  Learning to trust God in the various seasons of life.  Learning to not interrupt God's natural consequences and outcomes. Learning to know that death has the great possibility of birthing new life.  And understanding that God is the master story-teller who is always at work and never wastes a single detail of the journey.

*to trust God.  So much of ministry is in the "unknowns".  There seems to be little that is nailed down and stable.  Marriages fail. People die. Heartache happens. Expectations are unmet. And trust gets broken...often.  But I am learning to focus and trust in what I know is true and is nailed down.  God is...yes, God is.  He is in control.  He is enough. He is trustworthy and faithful. God will come through in ways beyond our thinking.  Ministry has been a great place to be completely dismantled and heartbroken.  It has also been a prime place for God to produce dependence and trust.

*to live present-tense.   Brennan Manning says that the fruit of present-tense living is compassion.  How true.  To live in the past produces a lot of guilt and regret.  To live in the future brings plenty of anxiety and fear.  Neither allow me to receive or give compassion.  Living present-tense can only come through deep trust in the Father.  That deep trust gives me the opportunity to receive his compassion and grace on me.  I can then be present in ministering to others and extending the compassion that is needed.

*to love well.  At the end of the day and at the end of any ministry, it all comes down to this.  Did I love well?  No one can love like God because the very being of God is love.  It is not just something that God does...to love...it is His nature, His very heart.  Everything is birthed from God's deep heart of love toward us.  It is the greatest love story of all time.  So, after every ministry event and counseling appointment, after shepherding people through life's circumstances and walking with God through it all...did I love well?  That is my measuring stick...now.  At the end of the road, that is what I want to be known for.  My wife. My kids. and anyone else God entrusts to me along the way.  To live well is to love well.

the dark night of the soul

"The dark night of the soul is a totally loving, healing, and liberating process. Whether it feels that way is another question entirely. Nowadays most people think of the dark night of the soul as a time of suffering and tribulation--redemptive perhaps, but entirely unpleasant. This is not always the case.

The only characteristic of the experience of the dark night that is certain is its obscurity. One simply does not comprehend clearly what is happening. Some dark-night experiences, as I have indicated, may be quite pleasant. One friend of mine, driven by unrelenting perfectionism, had dedicated his adult life to doing everything right. He had a sense of humor, and we had good times together, but it hurt to see the pain his self-judgment was causing him. Then, gradually and inexplicably, he felt himself relaxing. He was delightfully liberated from his burdensome sense of responsibility; he was 'free just to be', as he put it. Although he wasn't sure what was going on and at times wondered if he might just be getting lazy, his overall experience of the change was joyful.

For another person in another situation, the same kind of liberation might be very painful. When I was practicing psychiatry, a woman came to see me for depression. She had spent her life taking care of her family, frequently neglecting her own interests in the process. She felt guilty about anything she did for herself. She struggled with a sense of emptiness after her children had grown up and was later devastated to discover that her husband was having an affair. The experience was beginning to ease her care-taking compulsion, but it certainly did not feel like liberation. All she felt was pain, loss, and abandonment. Glimpses of her growing freedom made her even more depressed at first, because in relinquishing her total dedication to her marriage and family, she felt she was losing her only source of worth. Gradually, however, she began to enjoy time for herself. And in ways so subtle as to be almost unnoticeable amidst her pain, she began to feel a sense of meaning and value not for things she did, but just for who she was.

Liberation, whether experienced pleasurably or painfully, always involves relinquishment, some kind of loss. It may be a loss of something we're glad to be rid of, like a bad habit, or something we cling to for dear life, like a love relationship. Either way it's still a loss. Thus even when a dark-night experience is pleasant, there is still likely to be an accompanying sense of emptiness and perhaps even grief. Conversely, when a dark-night experience leaves us feeling tragically bereft, there still may be a sense of openness and fresh possibility. The point is, no matter how hard we try, we cannot see the process clearly. We only know what we're feeling at a given time, and that determines whether our experience is pleasurable or painful. As one of my friends often says, 'God only knows what's really going on--literally!'"
(excerpt from The Dark Night of the Soul by Gerald G. May)

recent family pics from Easter

More pics from the Ranch

our resident photographer, Gabe Thomas, shot some great pics from our last campout...

The Mined of Christ

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.  My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside.  I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.”  Job 23:10-12

Job, in his journey of holiness, is confronted with a faith fork in the road.  It is a crisis of belief that will determine the path ahead.  The road on the left is paved with the philosophies of his buddies.  It is a self-made theology that says “you just need to do more to be at peace with God.” Good ol’ Eliphaz bubbles over with his babbling beliefs…

“Submit to God and be at peace with him…”  Eliphaz is basically pointing out the supposed sin in Job’s life.  “Surely,” he would say, “God is testing you in order to deal with and cut away all the sin in your life.  Boy, Job, you must really be out of fellowship with God.”   Ever had a friend like that?  They seem to always have the right answers in their hip pocket.  They toss out their religious jargon offering up simple solutions.  Yet, the road to holiness is not always paved so clearly.  Faith is believing even when you don’t see the road ahead.  Faith is driving without your lights on.  It does not always involve the simple, quick-fix methods that some want to offer up.

So, Job takes the other path.  The path of trusting obedience.  The path of simple faith.  He answers in the next chapter with something that is profoundly applicable for our individual journeys. The testing that God allowed in his life was for the purpose of bringing forth the gold of integrity and character.  He had been faithful.  He had been keeping God’s Word.  Was he perfect?  Of course not.  Yet, his heart was set on journey. 

Testing is God’s tool of mining the heart of every believer.  To mine is to go deep in order to find treasure and gold.  To get there, you must cut through layers of dirt and rubble.  But that is not the goal.  The goal and ultimate desire is to find hidden treasure.  Hidden treasure is only found in the depths of the earth.

Deep within every believer is a gold mine, a treasure beyond measure.  It is the hidden character of Christ.  The fruit of His Spirit.  The mind of Christ.  These jewels are buried deep within the heart of the chosen ones.  Yet, they need to be discovered.  They need to be mined.  So, God uses testings and trials to reveal and expose these treasures.  Certainly there are layers of sin and pride that must be carved through.  There is much earthy dirt and rubble that must be hammered through.  Yet, that is not the goal.  God’s desire is to mine deep in order to bring forth the mind of Christ.  To have the mind of Christ, you must be the “mined” of Christ. 

Today, be thankful for seasons of testing.  Others, even friends, may try to offer up man-made solutions about your unique journey.  They may say that you are out of fellowship with God.  They may want to concentrate on the rubble in your road.  Though their path looks paved and well manicured…be cautious.  To steer clear of testing is to steer clear of God.  Embrace the testing as the mining tool of God.  Get ready to go deep.              

Reading the Bible

"Reading the Bible, if we do not do it rightly, can get us into a lot of trouble. The Christian community is as concerned with how we read the Bible as that we read it. It is not sufficient to place a Bible in a person's hands with the command, "Read it." That is quite as foolish as putting a set of car keys in an adolescent's hands, giving him a Honda, and saying, "Drive it." And just as dangerous. The danger is that in having our hands on a piece of technology, we will use it ignorantly, endangering our lives and the lives of those around us; or that, intoxicated with the power that the technology gives us, we will use it ruthlessly and violently."
--from Eat This Book by Eugene Peterson

Funeral After-thoughts

Attended a funeral today of a 30 year old man...4 years younger than me. Tragic and sudden death that left behind a wife and 2 daughters. It was a weird but convicting experience for me. The little, white church was filled to capacity with an emotional thickness in the room. No one plans for this kind of farewell. And many showed up to convey their love and support of the family.

During the service, there were hymns sung and scriptures read. The pastor shared some biblical truths and reminders about resurrection and hope. Typical funeral stuff...except for one man that spoke...Brian.

Brian was a close friend of the young man that died. He essentially gave the "sermon" today. What he shared was real, it was honest. He spoke about his relationship and shared some fun memories. But, at the end, he talked about grieving and hope being in partnership. He talked about providing "space" to grieve in moving forward. It did not provide clean-cut answers with formulas and solutions. It left much mystery. The way he communicated invited you in...to participate and struggle. It was unusually biblical and Jesus-like. Almost story-like...parable-like.

To the point that it has me blogging about it late tonight when I could be doing other things. I'm still having funeral after-thoughts.

And here is where I'm really hit with the events of today. Who and what would be shared at my funeral...if it would have happened today? Now, I know that is kind of a morbid thought...or is it? I'm not referring to some "Stephen Covey" exercise where you "begin with the end in mind" and plan your own funeral.
No, I'm referring to who really knows me.
Who would stand and express the truths of my life?
What would be said?
I'm not talking about when I'm 78 and dying. I'm talking about right now.
Am I living my life in such a way, day to day, that life would be communicated in death?

I do have a love-hate relationship with funerals. I hate to see people hurt and grieve. I hate to see flimsy proclamation from funeral pulpits. I hate to see doors of grieving closed in order to highlight hope. Aren't the doorways to hope and grief on the same hinge? I hate to see funerals and processions rushed so that we can "get back to our lives". I hate caskets. I hate death.

But I love the honesty and necessity of wrestling with life when viewing death. Funerals make me think. They force me to see the brevity of life. They compel me to hold my kids a little closer tonight...and put off that "have-to" project for another tomorrow. They invite me to participate in community not just give it lip-service. Funerals help me to see that the means and the end are inseparable. Good endings happen...when the means are fought for.

So, today has really settled me and unsettled me...and I am thankful for both.

expecting...

expecting is a word that can mean many things...
*hoping
*looking forward to
*to wait
*to suppose

well, how about another Hemphill is on the way...were you expecting that???

Patterned responses

Excerpt from "The Search for Freedom" by Robert S. McGee:

"These patterns develop at a time when we are in poor condition to make good choices. To help you grasp this, let me use as an example something that happened a few months ago when I had my appendix removed. While in the hospital, my attention was riveted to one of two things: either the pain I felt or the relief that the morphine brought. Many of my friends called or visited during the hours following my surgery, or at least they told me they did. I don't remember some of them.

Let's suppose a person called several days after my surgery to inform me that he had visited shortly after my operation and that I had signed all types of business agreements. Some of these arrangements, as it turns out, were extremely detrimental to me. As you might expect, I would not accept the legality of any documents I signed or verbal agreements I made. I would have such decisions set aside on the basis that my reasoning was extremely impaired. Both my visitor and I would clearly know this to be true.

Yet there was a time in my life when my judgment was even more impaired than during my recent post-surgery haze. It was during the first several years of my life. My thought processes were essentially dictated by those around me. Other people taught me what they believed to be truth (or, at least, what they wanted me to think truth was). Eventually, these truths became absolute convictions--about myself, the people around me, and the world in general. These basic convictions then became patterns of responding to myself and to other people. I can tell what I really believe by how I respond to life, not what I say I believe."

My Fam Pic

latest pic from Christmas 08 of my family... (left to right)
Brett, my Dad Carl, Ty, My Mom Shelbie, Me, and Rich

this pic was taken in front of my parents' home in Zephyrhills, FL. they live in a retirement community...referred to on their neighborhood sign as "an elegant retirement community". our favorite part about visiting is the community pool where we can all swim. we just have to make sure we go after the morning exercise group and not during "adult only" time. the rules of retirement living!!!

hard to believe how we are all getting older. i am the youngest of 4 boys. i hope you also notice from the pic that Ty is wearing the best shirt ever...ROLL TIDE!!!

Pastors are too damn busy

Eugene Peterson quoted from Leadership magazine.
In this interview, Peterson is talking about listening reflectively to scripture. He is specifically talking about pastors and the need to learn the art of spiritual reading.

"It takes practice. Pastors have to practice it first; they must enter into it. And in order to do that, pastors simply have to quit being in such a damn big hurry. Pastors are the busiest people in the world--always making an appointment or rushing to a meeting. They have no time to listen.
I think pastors are the worst listeners. We're so used to speaking, teaching, giving answers. We must learn to be quiet, quit being so verbal, learn to pay attention to what's going on, and listen.
It's not only about listening to the Bible, it's about listening to people--taking time to hear the nuances in their voices and language, and repeat what we're hearing. We're all very poorly educated in this business."

Some reading this blog are more distburbed by the word "damn" in the blog title and quote than the fact that pastors are dying by the day. Eugene Peterson is a sage in my life and has taught me more about pastoring than most. I had the privilege of growing up with a pastor/father. My dad pastored small Baptist churches for over 35 years. I watched him shepherd some of the most difficult people. I watched him visit hospitals, hold hands with the dying, and walk with peoople through their stuff. My dad is not a megachurch pastor...never got the salary or notoriety. But he pastored well. And he still is to this day.

I was once in that trap that Peterson referred to. Spent several years climbing the ladder and filling my day with busyness. I almost lost my family over it. It is a part of my addiction and recovery...the intoxication of pastoring and people-approval. So, yes, I'm recovering from this. I still take a hit of this drug every now and then. But I am choosing a new road now. The pastoring I am doing is much more unseen. It is much less noticed...atleast in human eyes. But I actually feel like I'm working with God instead of for God. Everything is not riding on me. And I actually slow down enough to enjoy my wife, my sons, my friends, and my community. Some days I feel guilty for "enjoying" ministry. I was never taught that in church.

So, here I am...34 years old. A ragamuffin being redeemed. A vagabond minister living full-time on support and barely paying my bills. Attending a megachurch that once paid my salary. Now I am a church member...that is something new to me. Still striving at times and struggling with who I am. But, at the same time, more content than ever to be who I am. Pastoring is not an occupation or career for me. It is the way I try to live and walk with people. It is much more the overflow of daily walking with God and people. I have more questions than answers. I have more doubts/fears than faith to match it. But I am proudly a prodigal-come-home who has now been privileged to shepherd God's people. Thanks Father for prophets/sages like Eugene Peterson who remind me to slow down and not be in such a damn big hurry!!!

Brennan's first dental cleaning

Our little 3 year old, Brennan, is quite a handsome young man. He is also adorable like a little teddy bear...i can write that since he's still 3!!! But today, we took him for his first dental cleaning. I could not believe how well he did. He sat in the chair by himself while i watched from the sidelines. The little, wild warrior actually sat still for 15 minutes...can you believe it??? So, had a great, first visit.

Extreme Cabin Makeover

the cabin at the ranch has been undergoing some pretty big rennovations. sometimes, when you only see the "present-tense" pic, you forget how far we've come. the pics below are good reminders of the change that has been happening..

FYI...the ranch and cabin are available for retreats, men's outings, hunting, fishing, canoeing, etc. If you have an interest, let me know. The Ranch has been committed to the Father as a "refuge" and place of ministry. For more info, check out www.rockingrranch.net and click on "the ranch".

Before...














After...with more to come...

A soldier speaks...

Poem written by an unknown confederate soldier...

I asked God for strength that I might achieve.
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked God for health that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy.
I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
I was given life that I might endure all things.

I got nothing I asked for
But everything I had hoped for...

Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among all men most richly blessed.

Update from marriage weekend

Wow, what a weekend. Allies, thanks for your prayers and support. The weekend was deeply opposed by the enemy. The attacks were real and the opposition was great. Yet the enemy was defeated as couples opened up and let down the walls. These 7 couples, who form a small group at a local church, went from being a "sunday school class" to a "heart-fellowship, an outpost". What an amazing Encounter weekend!!!

a new table

As you know, we've been working to develop a place called Rocking R Ranch. It is a place for men/boys to gather and find their hearts. It is a place to take in beauty and the outdoors. God has entrusted this land (2500 acres) to our friend and brother Allen Russell. A lot of our time has been spent on the rennovating of a cabin on the property. Check out an earlier blog that has pics of that.

But we really needed a table for the cabin. So, this last week, God put the vision for this on Doug Bastian's heart...part of our men's community in Birmingham. And within a few days, the table was built. Doug is a man who is a carpenter-ragamuffin. He is a man of the earth who has come to understand the beauty and strength of God's grace. Doug is a living testimony of a man-being set-free. And he can do wonders with wood. So, this table was made from scraps in his workshop. But look at it. Amazing huh? It will fit perfectly at the cabin.

I especially like the checkerboard on top!!!!

Battle is a joyous thing

Spoken in 1465 by a French knight named Jean de Brueil...

"Battle is a joyous thing. We love each other so much in battle. If we see that our cause is just and our kinsmen fight boldly, tears come to our eyes. A sweet joy rises in our hearts, in the feeling of our honest loyalty to each other; and seeing our friend so bravely exposing his body to danger in order to fulfill the commandment of our Creator, we resolve to go forward and die or live with him on account of love. This brings such delight that anyone who has not felt it cannot say how wonderful it is. Do you think someone who feels this is afraid of death? Not in the least! He is so strengthened, so delighted, that he does not know where he is. Truly, he fears nothing in the world!"

No More Shame

Isaiah 54:4...
"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood." (NIV)

"Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed. Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.You'll forget all about the humiliations of your youth, and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory." (The Message)

“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood." (New Living Translation)

I have realized over the years that shame is an overarching theme in my story. From childhood years, I began to fear what people thought of me and desired their approval. My poser/false self was developed out of a need to please. So, this sort-of dual life was developed. Go to church and do the religious thing while feeling lost on the inside. Because my dad was a pastor, i learned the religious lingo pretty fast. I knew what 'church' people were looking for and not looking for. So, the culture i grew up in fed this life. It was much more about "not doing" certain things. There was always this unspoken shame on people who messed up. Even to this day, I grieve as I watch churches push people to the curb who don't have it together. They hear the words..."shame on you."

Today, i am reminded of the truth in Isaiah that I no longer have to live in shame. I am free to be me in Christ. Jesus Christ came to bring salvation, deliverance, freedom, and life. The disasters and sins of my youth that continue to this day are redeemed through the life of Jesus. No more embarassment. No more denial. No more lying. Let the truth be known today...i am a ragamuffin, redeemed by the daily grace of our God. I am a new creation of infinite worth. I am fully pleasing to my God because of the work of Jesus on my behalf.

I have a choice today...revisit shame or receive the life that already is mine. Thank you Jesus for delivering me to LIFE.

Wait Eagerly

Romans 8:25
"If we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it."

"God prepares his servants most often through extended periods of waiting, designed to hone skills and break wills, to shape character and give depth. While He works, we wait."
-from Swindoll's book, Paul: A Man of Grace and Grit

Any time God puts a word before me, on multiple occasions, I tend to turn an ear toward it. I can sometimes be stubborn in my listening. So, God will place something in my path over and over. I have recently been hearing the word "wait" a whole lot. And based out of Romans 8, it is pointing more toward "waiting eagerly".

Waiting has never been associated with eagerness much in my life. Typically waiting has to do with stewing, impatience, self-pity, etc. You get the picture. So, to consider waiting with eagerness...now, that puts a new spin on things. In this book I'm reading on the life of Paul, Chuck Swindoll pictures this type of waiting as a mother who is expecting a child. She waits, knowing that hope and life will soon be birthed. The waiting is not without hope. There is a certainty of life to come. So, the waiting is a time of preparation and hope-fullness.

So, as I approach this new year of 2009, I am hearing the word "wait eagerly". What would typically take the wind out of my sails is actually helping me "to sail". To look forward with hopefulness that more life is to come. God must have some incredible experiences ahead this year. There is more shaping and breaking that He wants to do. But I know my Father's heart toward me is good. I know He is initiating more of Christ in me. So, through it all, I wait eagerly for what is to come.