Writing from Zephyrhills, Florida this week...home to Bishop Carl Hemphill and his bride Shelbie...aka Mom and Dad. I guess my dad would be considered the "original" Bishop and pastor in the family. We pulled away for a few days to be refreshed and renewed. The last5 months have been pretty intense months of fundraising, ministry, and battling for hearts.
Ministry is an interesting thing. Been thinking on that this week as Melody and i enter our 17th year of ministry. Yes, we are only 34 years old...and started in our first church when we were 18. First Baptist of Siler City, NC was our first ministry experience. And it has been quite a ride since those early years. Outside of 2 years working at a factory in Pelham, AL during my post-grad years, we have ministered in 4 church settings, 2 church plants, and now a ministry called Encounter. In many ways, i feel more at home now and more "in my own skin" than ever before. A lot has been learned over the years. And there is a lot more to learn.
I'd like to share some reflections i'm having this week. Before i do, there is one thing that i've dealt with over the years...from being raised in a pastor's home to being in it myself. There is this belief that "ministers don't work"...they just live the life of leisure. Wow, how i wish that were true. I heard it multiple times growing up from parishioners and deacons and church leaders. And over the past 17 years, I've heard it in mostly subtle ways from people. Even taking the chance to blog while vacationing runs the risk of someone thinking "what an easy life". I wish I could fully convey the weight and grind of shepherding people. It is a beautifully, frustrating thing to walk with people through the seasons of life while trying to point them toward greener pastures. The week to week "shouldering" of other's burdens and heartache can take a toll on someone's heart. That is why so many ministers feel lonely and isolated while being pulled into addictions and depression. Any time I hear of a minister "falling", I am immediately drawn to that person's heart because i know of their hurt and loneliness. All of that to say, I have spent so many days in ministry worried about what people think. I still struggle with that. But I'm trying to walk in more honesty and freedom.
Learning...
*to be myself. So many years were spent in trying to be what everyone in church wanted me to be. All the while, my own heart was dying in an attempt to please everyone. it is a goal that is never accomplished...keeping everyone happy. I still have much to learn in this area. But I can honestly say that I'm learning to walk in my own skin. The poser is slowly being dismantled and embraced. Only to have the true Randy come forth.
*to be patient. Walking with people through transitions and heartache in life has produced more longsuffering in me. Yes, there are days that I get frustrated at myself and others..why can't we get it? But, the overwhelming growth has been in the area of patience. Learning to trust God in the various seasons of life. Learning to not interrupt God's natural consequences and outcomes. Learning to know that death has the great possibility of birthing new life. And understanding that God is the master story-teller who is always at work and never wastes a single detail of the journey.
*to trust God. So much of ministry is in the "unknowns". There seems to be little that is nailed down and stable. Marriages fail. People die. Heartache happens. Expectations are unmet. And trust gets broken...often. But I am learning to focus and trust in what I know is true and is nailed down. God is...yes, God is. He is in control. He is enough. He is trustworthy and faithful. God will come through in ways beyond our thinking. Ministry has been a great place to be completely dismantled and heartbroken. It has also been a prime place for God to produce dependence and trust.
*to live present-tense. Brennan Manning says that the fruit of present-tense living is compassion. How true. To live in the past produces a lot of guilt and regret. To live in the future brings plenty of anxiety and fear. Neither allow me to receive or give compassion. Living present-tense can only come through deep trust in the Father. That deep trust gives me the opportunity to receive his compassion and grace on me. I can then be present in ministering to others and extending the compassion that is needed.
*to love well. At the end of the day and at the end of any ministry, it all comes down to this. Did I love well? No one can love like God because the very being of God is love. It is not just something that God does...to love...it is His nature, His very heart. Everything is birthed from God's deep heart of love toward us. It is the greatest love story of all time. So, after every ministry event and counseling appointment, after shepherding people through life's circumstances and walking with God through it all...did I love well? That is my measuring stick...now. At the end of the road, that is what I want to be known for. My wife. My kids. and anyone else God entrusts to me along the way. To live well is to love well.
0 comments:
Post a Comment