Elder-ly Thoughts

been soaking this last week on Luke 15. the story of the "prodigal come home" has been showing up in many different settings and parts of my life. i don't know if there is a better piece of scripture to display the heart and grace of our Father. as many years as i have explored this truth-story, i continue to be overwhelmed by finding myself in the story.

i am the prodigal. i have thrown away my father's inheritance and lived in the wastelands of my sinfulness. i have been welcomed home by the unmerited, undeserved, and unbelievable grace of our God.

i am also the older brother...the elder. i have been arrested, once again, by the truth that i am this man. i am a recovering legalist. i am the elder.

I have...
-placed obedience to God over intimacy with God
-found worth in the fields instead of resting in "being at home"
-placed service for God above relationship with God
-chosen slavery over sonship
-judged my brothers and sisters with finger-pointing faith
-treated prodigals more like cousins than brothers
-covered my own sin by uncovering others
-hidden behind a pulpit of self-righteousness
-placed knowledge above intimacy
-condemned in order to cover my own butt
-kept score in my ledger of life
-attempted to balance the scales with religious fervor and ritual
-thrown rocks instead of ropes
-sat in church wondering "why is that person going up front?"
-prayed the prayer "Thank you God that I'm not like..."
-played the game of haves and have-nots
-elevated fairness, justice, and the law above grace and unmerited favor of God
-used the language of recovery without realizing recovery
-fought the wrong battles and died on unnecessary hills
-hidden behind goodness and gloated in brokenness
-hidden behind brokenness and gloated in goodness

i am the older brother in need of the father's embrace and welcome home. i desperately need God to save me from my well oiled, mechanical system of service and obedience called religion. this is who i am...but more importantly, this is who God is. may i live this day as a man, a brother, a son...redeemed by the radical grace of God.

Confusing Circumstances

The last week, God has been speaking a lot about suffering and silence. That's kind of weird...God has been speaking about silence. Anyway, this morning I was reminded about choosing to trust even when things don't add up or make sense. I was really encouraged through some points that Henry Blackaby made about "confusing circumstances"...

When Circumstances are Confusing...
1. Settle in your own mind that God has forever demonstrated His absolute love for you on the cross. That love will never change.
2. Do not try to understand what God is like from the middle of your circumstances.
3. Go to God and ask Him to help you see His perspective on your situation.
4. Wait on the Holy Spirit. He may take the Word of God and help you understand your circumstances.
5. Adjust your life to God and what you see Him doing in your circumstances.
6. Do all He tells you to do.
7. Experience God working in and through you to accomplish His purposes.

I was really struck by #2. Such a temptation to try and understand God and His ways in the midst of a trying time...like the last 2 weeks. Instead of focusing on the "unknowns" of my circumstances, I choose today to focus and lean on what I "know" about God's character and faithfulness.

the hour that changed us...

2pm last wednesday forever marked us.

about 6 weeks ago, we found out that we were having a third child. excitement had started building in the Hemphill home. we were starting to think of names...what if it's a girl or another boy? started planning for caleb's room to become the brothers' hangout and brennan's room would be converted to a nursery. it was so exciting to tell friends and family about our new addition. melody's body had started going through changes and she was feeling "pregnant". the joy of knowing you have been entrusted with another child. our family was increasing and our hearts were too.

tuesday of last week was filled with some odd things. some abnormal pregnancy pains and some things that concerned us. i thought it was just normal stuff. i gathered with our brothers who meet on tuesday night and we prayed...i mean really prayed. i felt the strength of these men gathered around me, laying hands on me, and interceding for our family. i came out of this time with a peace. I just knew God would come through and provide healing for this little child and for Melody. got home around midnight, not knowing what the next day would hold.

and then came 2pm on wednesday.

we made an appointment with the doctor for 1pm to just check things out. just wanting to make sure everything was ok. i took brennan and we met melody at the doctor's office. i was still holding on to this peace from tuesday night that God had given me...everything would be ok. we waited...and then some tests...we waited some more...until the doctor came in...

this was the hour that changed us...we found out there was no heartbeat, our child was no longer alive. the word "miscarriage" had now entered our vocabulary. we heard the sincere words from our doctor, "I'm sorry" followed by some instructions and things to consider. but we were honestly stunned...news that we were not planning or expecting to hear.

along with the death of our third child came the loss of dreams and hopes that had filled our hearts. those places were now covered with pain and emptiness. hope lost is a devastating thing.

so, now i sketch some thoughts...the tuesday after. at this time last week, i had no idea the week i would be facing. i had no idea that one hour would so change my life.

i trust God...but He feels distant.
i know He speaks...but He seems silent.
i have amazing community...but i feel alone.
i am emotionally spent...yet i have tears inside.
i want another child...but i'm scared of facing this again.
i believe...yet i have a lot of disbelief.
i want to hope but my heart hurts.

God, would you meet me in my pain? bind up my broken heart. comfort me in this time of mourning. set free the captive parts of my heart. and please bring restoration. bring hope again...

Fuel Truck Driver

"A fuel truck driver was on a delivery run during a raging blizzard in the days before CB radios and cell phones. While travelling along a dark, deserted stretch between two isolated towns, the truck skidded off the road and wound up hopelessly stuck. As the storm passed and sunrise came, the temperature dropped to nearly 40 below zero. The driver stayed with the truck in the hopes that someone would pass by and rescue him. After many hours of waiting, he ran out of diesel fuel. Without the engine running, the truck's heater was useless. When police found him later the next day, he had frozen to death.

This kind of tale is not uncommon in the northern parts of Canada. It seems that hardly a winter goes by that someone isn't lost. The thing that makes this story so remarkable is that the driver had 10,000 gallons of diesel fuel in the tanker he was hauling. At first glance it would seem there was no way to move it from the tanker into the truck in order to keep it running. But when we heard the story, we immediately thought that there must have been some way to do that. The driver could have saved his life if he would have just tried something, anything! If he would have just focused his energy on using the resources that he had in the situation that he found himself in, he would have survived.

Many of us find ourselves in the same kind of place. Something (a behavior, circumstance, attitude, or a relationship) is killing us. There are answers or resources close at hand, but somehow it seems impossible for us to reach them or put them into action. We are comfortable in the cab of the truck, hopeful that someone will come and rescue us or that our situation will somehow change by itself. For many of us, the fear of what we will find if we leave our "truck" often seems so much worse than the actual issues with which we struggle."
(excerpt from the Power of Brokenness)

Sumo Wrestling

we were watching the olympics the other night, when a sumo wrestling commercial came on. i told the boys that i was once an "aspiring sumo wrestler". i then informed them of the basics of sumo wrestling. i said, "it is basically a bunch of big-bellied dudes, in their underwear, wrestling on the floor." within seconds, brennan was stripped down to his underwear, wanting to pick a fight with caleb. it was a hilarious moment in our living room. now, they can't wait to watch sumo wrestling at the olympic games.

Flowers

I have to admit that i love flowers. have always enjoyed working in the yard and growing various flowers. melody has come to know that when i "water the flowers"...that's my time to take in beauty and admire God's creation. this year, i decided to try and grow roses. never attempted this before. i have come to see that roses are very sensitive and difficult to grow. you have to pamper them a lot. but, wow, the beauty. one of the primary reasons i grew them...was to be able to pick fresh flowers for mel. love having fresh flowers in the house. so, thought i'd share a few pics with you...

this is a carribbean crush...




















this one has a beautiful mix of colors...















fragrant, pink rose...














this is probably the most beautiful, deep red rose...

Hoping for Help

Lamentations 3:19-24 (The Message)
It's a Good Thing to Hope for Help from God

19-21I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom.But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up.They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left.

choosing to remember...birthday blessings

i've heard before that forgetfulness is one of the chief enemies of the heart. amazing how much i tend to forget things. my memory becomes more selective with age.

but tomorrow, august 8, is a special day that i will choose to do much remembering.

melody's birthday is august 8. this will be a day to celebrate her and her beauty. so, in the spirit of remembering which spurs gratitude, let me celebrate my bride...

*her outer beauty only reflects the inner glory of her heart
*she is pregnant with our 3rd child and looks amazing and beautiful
*she holds the key to my heart
*she loves me in a way that humbles me
*i admire her courage and strength
*i love the way she leans on me and trusts me
*together, i think we make a great team
*she nurtures and tenderly guides our boys
*she puts up with a lot of my weird qualities (not that there are many)
*she boldly shares her story of brokenness and God's redeeming power
*she makes me want to love God more

Happy Birthday Mel...i love you deeply and always!!!

brennan manning

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQi_IDV2bgM

could not figure out how to upload this video to my blog...it is a 3 minute jewel of teaching from brennan manning. Encounter is bringing Brennan to birmingham in february of 2009. can't wait for this time with him.

this video would be well worth the 3 minutes and hours of digesting what is shared...

pastors versus professors

"...out of that recognition a conviction grew: that my primary educational task as pastor was to teach people to pray. I did not abandon, and will not abandon, the task of teaching about the faith, teaching the content of the gospel, the historical backgrounds of biblical writings, the history of God's people. I have no patience with and will not knowingly give comfort to obscurantist or anti-intellectual tendencies in the church. But there is an educational task entrusted to pastors that is very different from that assigned to professors. The educational approaches in all the schools I attended conspired to ignore the wisdom of the ancient spiritual leaders who trained people in the disciplines of attending to God, forming the inner life so that it was adequate to the reception of truth, not just the acquisition of facts. The more I worked with people at or near the centers of their lives where God and the human, faith and the absurd, love and indifference were tangled in daily traffic jams, the less it seemed that the way I had been going about teaching made much difference, and the more that teaching them to pray did."
--Eugene Peterson in The Contemplative Pastor

update on publishing journey

still continuing on the publishing journey with the Psalms devotional book. we sent the book proposal to 15 publishers back in early june. i have heard form about half of them so far. so still waiting to hear from the others.

had a interesting phone call with one publisher a few weeks back. the lady was with a publisher and, though they had no need for the book right now, she wanted to talk with me about it. pretty cool phone call. she had a few thoughts on book title and some content suggestions. she thought that we were "on to something" with the book and the layout. so, this was a very encouraging call. she also gave my name to a guy who runs a publishing company that specializes in first-time authors and self-publishing.

the guy with that c0mpany called and we talked for a while. it sounds like a great setup. you can actually get your book published, though you maintain full rights to the book. they help with design, setup, and marketing of the book. so, it is kind of a middle ground between self-publishing and publishing. the route would involve about $4000 in upfront money. in the long run, this would be worth the money, because of the exposure and professional touch that comes to your book. needless to say, we don't have the money to do that.

so, for now, i feel led to do 2 things. continue to wait on God's timing and how He wants to do this. and second, i am going to pursue self-publishing on a smaller scale. so, that's the latest.