the hour that changed us...

2pm last wednesday forever marked us.

about 6 weeks ago, we found out that we were having a third child. excitement had started building in the Hemphill home. we were starting to think of names...what if it's a girl or another boy? started planning for caleb's room to become the brothers' hangout and brennan's room would be converted to a nursery. it was so exciting to tell friends and family about our new addition. melody's body had started going through changes and she was feeling "pregnant". the joy of knowing you have been entrusted with another child. our family was increasing and our hearts were too.

tuesday of last week was filled with some odd things. some abnormal pregnancy pains and some things that concerned us. i thought it was just normal stuff. i gathered with our brothers who meet on tuesday night and we prayed...i mean really prayed. i felt the strength of these men gathered around me, laying hands on me, and interceding for our family. i came out of this time with a peace. I just knew God would come through and provide healing for this little child and for Melody. got home around midnight, not knowing what the next day would hold.

and then came 2pm on wednesday.

we made an appointment with the doctor for 1pm to just check things out. just wanting to make sure everything was ok. i took brennan and we met melody at the doctor's office. i was still holding on to this peace from tuesday night that God had given me...everything would be ok. we waited...and then some tests...we waited some more...until the doctor came in...

this was the hour that changed us...we found out there was no heartbeat, our child was no longer alive. the word "miscarriage" had now entered our vocabulary. we heard the sincere words from our doctor, "I'm sorry" followed by some instructions and things to consider. but we were honestly stunned...news that we were not planning or expecting to hear.

along with the death of our third child came the loss of dreams and hopes that had filled our hearts. those places were now covered with pain and emptiness. hope lost is a devastating thing.

so, now i sketch some thoughts...the tuesday after. at this time last week, i had no idea the week i would be facing. i had no idea that one hour would so change my life.

i trust God...but He feels distant.
i know He speaks...but He seems silent.
i have amazing community...but i feel alone.
i am emotionally spent...yet i have tears inside.
i want another child...but i'm scared of facing this again.
i believe...yet i have a lot of disbelief.
i want to hope but my heart hurts.

God, would you meet me in my pain? bind up my broken heart. comfort me in this time of mourning. set free the captive parts of my heart. and please bring restoration. bring hope again...