Elder-ly Thoughts

been soaking this last week on Luke 15. the story of the "prodigal come home" has been showing up in many different settings and parts of my life. i don't know if there is a better piece of scripture to display the heart and grace of our Father. as many years as i have explored this truth-story, i continue to be overwhelmed by finding myself in the story.

i am the prodigal. i have thrown away my father's inheritance and lived in the wastelands of my sinfulness. i have been welcomed home by the unmerited, undeserved, and unbelievable grace of our God.

i am also the older brother...the elder. i have been arrested, once again, by the truth that i am this man. i am a recovering legalist. i am the elder.

I have...
-placed obedience to God over intimacy with God
-found worth in the fields instead of resting in "being at home"
-placed service for God above relationship with God
-chosen slavery over sonship
-judged my brothers and sisters with finger-pointing faith
-treated prodigals more like cousins than brothers
-covered my own sin by uncovering others
-hidden behind a pulpit of self-righteousness
-placed knowledge above intimacy
-condemned in order to cover my own butt
-kept score in my ledger of life
-attempted to balance the scales with religious fervor and ritual
-thrown rocks instead of ropes
-sat in church wondering "why is that person going up front?"
-prayed the prayer "Thank you God that I'm not like..."
-played the game of haves and have-nots
-elevated fairness, justice, and the law above grace and unmerited favor of God
-used the language of recovery without realizing recovery
-fought the wrong battles and died on unnecessary hills
-hidden behind goodness and gloated in brokenness
-hidden behind brokenness and gloated in goodness

i am the older brother in need of the father's embrace and welcome home. i desperately need God to save me from my well oiled, mechanical system of service and obedience called religion. this is who i am...but more importantly, this is who God is. may i live this day as a man, a brother, a son...redeemed by the radical grace of God.